The Crush that Just Won't Die

I know it is bad . . .I who admittedly dated more lately than many of my friends do in a year . . .can't shake a crush. I still have yet to "go out" with said crush on an actual date but can't help compare all of the other people I have been out with lately to my crush. How can I be so obsessed with someone I have never and may never kiss? Is this really all in my head or is there a reason I just can't shake thoughts of this person?

Well. . .perhaps soon I will have to put up or shut up. I admit the possibilty that this will happen is low since I like every other member of my family am extremely stubborn. It is likely I will go on indefinitely being nonchalant about my interactions with my crush knowing all the while I will NEVER KNOW what could happen unless I take the risk. I think the risk is made all that much more scary because I really do care for this person and feel they are my friend. I don't want to loose them.

Or perhaps after long months of idealizing this person I will realize that perhaps it is just a case of wanting what we can't have. I am prone all too often to this behavior. For example, despite being really well educated and career minded I often think life would be simpler/better/easier/happier if I were just a housewife with a couple of kids. I usually later realize that if that is the path I wanted I have long since detoured off of it and I probably only want it because the door to it seems closed. I know I really hate CLOSED DOORS! I hate the feeling that there are just somethings that I can't have or have missed out on. I guess though I will never know if I could be happier in some simpler and more traditional life role. . .perhaps I will never know about the crush as well or perhaps I will do something rash! The one thing that is predicatable about me. . .is that even I never know what I will do next.