On Boyfriends. . .

So, I have spent most of my adult life either with a boyfriend or in pursuit of one. . .I am wondering if it is the getting or the having that is more fun. They both have advantages and drawbacks.

Advantages of Getting Stage: rush of uncertainty, excitement, the excitement over the new and the possible, the excitement of a good first date, the nice complements paid to you during the wooing, and the attention

Disadvantages of Getting Stage: uncertainty, self-doubt, the amount of time required to weed out the duds from the OK from the really good, scary and painfully bad first dates, extra time required to be extra cute all the time, lack of sleep since I tend to start my days early and most other people don't, fear of rejection

Advantages of the Having Stage: someone to come home to, someone to call, someone to celebrate your birthday with, quiet moments when you don't have to talk, not having to worry about being adorable all the time, someone to go places with, someone to tell bad jokes to, and someone to kiss good night, someone to take care of you when you need it

Disadvantages of the Having Stage: you never go out anymore, no reason to get dressed up, no surprises, everything becomes a routine, you have to worry about someone else's feelings, when they are sick you have to take care of them and pretend you don't mind, you have to tell them it will be ok . . .Even if you don't believe it, you have to listen to their opinion about your life

There are additional disadvantages. . .But I don't want to make the list too long lest I never enter into a relationship again. Besides some of these things seem smaller at times . . .Perhaps I am just not in relationship mode right now. . .Which is problematic since I am "in" a relationship. Which most of the time is OK. . .Not great not wonderful but not intolerable. . .I feel like I do when I know I really want something to eat and I don't quite know what and end up eating a little bit of everything in the house and still know I haven't found what I want even though I don't know what that is.