I Must Have been a VERY BAD GIRL IN A PAST LIFE

Ok, I admit it I am sinking. . .life is finally beating me down and there seems very little at this point that could get me to even smile again. I don’t know what I have done to deserve the past couple of weeks but whatever it was all I can say is if there is a higher power in the universe is “I AM SORRY PLEASE STOP!”

The only thing that had me holding steady over the last week to the end of my quickly fraying rope were the guy I met/had a first date with on New Year’s Eve and the job interview that as we speak I am flying home from. Those two things too how have seemingly crumbled into false hope and disappointment. And I a person who until the last couple of weeks could honestly not remember the last time I cried I sitting on an airplane openly weeping without the ability or even the care to stop. I just simply can’t.

We will start with the job interview which on its face looked like a good idea going in. . . However upon my arrival and subsequent stay just seemed to be one detour leading to a dead end. I am not saying that no one could be happy in this place. Just that it isn’t the job for me and to me it looks more like a trap than an opportunity.

Now onto the guy who last week I raved about how wonderful and supportive he had been through the ordeal of the my grandmother’s death. He called me this evening on my way home from this week from hell to tell me he still has feelings for his ex and doesn’t feel right pursuing a relationship with me as long as he feels this way. Thanks now my destruction is complete and I needn’t worry about looking forward to anything or even having a happy thought for a while. I think I won’t get out of bed tomorrow. I feel like I just got sucker punched.

So perhaps like Earl Hickey on My Name is Earl I am being punished for some former misdeeds. Only I think in general I haven’t been all that bad a person so I am left to conclude I must have been like a Nazi or serial killer in a previous life to have earned the last couple of weeks. I may need to take up serious drinking habit or yoga if this continues and right now the drinking problem seems more likely and helpful but I am sure this too shall pass. . .