The DANGER of Being Single Too Long
So lately all of my single guy friends are dating and or looking for younger women. And suddenly I realized that for many years I was the younger woman since I used to date older men. Now I am that almost 30 women that the type of men I am friends with now and the type of men I used to date are dating the younger women.
Even my most reasonable guy friends are dating these younger women because they "aren't jaded" or skeptical. Reflecting on these phrases makes me realize that one of the larger dangers of being single as long as I and many of my female friends have is that your bound to have been disappointed enough times that you are a little "jaded" and "skeptical." It becomes harder and harder to turn off that inner voice that says "Is this guy for real?"
Since arriving in Vegas I have been on dates with two different guys and both went pretty well. But I couldn't turn off that skeptical voice that kept saying "What is wrong with this one?" or "When will the other shoe fall?" I confess I am skeptical and jaded but I also argue that I am worth it. If someone gets past the first wall I still let go. Sometimes I just need them to show me that they really want to be there and they are willing to take a chance.
posted by chronic singleton @ 12:05 AM
4 comments
4 Comments:
I confess I am skeptical and jaded but I also argue that I am worth it. If someone gets past the first wall I still let go. Sometimes I just need them to show me that they really want to be there and they are willing to take a chance.
Well said. I think that a little skepticism can be an asset...it means that you are wiser in your choices, and better at knowing where and how to invest your love. Whoever we end up with will benefit from that.
Actually this reminded me of an analogy a friend uses. He always tells me that I am in charge of guarding the fortress walls of my heart..."do you want someone who will break the walls down or steal his way over them, or do you want someone who you can confidently let down the draw-bridge for and live at peace with?" Maybe a less "jaded" woman might allow the former, but from what I've observed very few of those relationships survive.
I find it sort of ironic that we are told over and over again that we need to take responsibility for our lives - our misery, our happiness, when to hold, when to fold, etc., and then we get slammed for being skeptical and jaded when in actuality, all we are doing is protecting ourselves from the mundane.
I, for one, firmly believe that good things are out there - they just aren't jumping out in front of us at the moment. If Moses could wander the desert for 40 years, I can be single for a few.
It's just like seinfeld, a consequence of a flat, highly-mobile information society.
Relationships are based on need. Since there are no food shortages or roving bands of pirates, we don't need other very much. So, people are getting pickier. A woman generally doesn't need a man as a physical guardian or hunter. She needs a caretaker, money and sperm, that's about it, sometimes from three different guys.
Lost in abundance as well: there are too many choices, there is no perfect. Pick one and deal with it. :)
Also, people these days have no manners, which could be explained by consumer culture, individualism and lack of socially-enforced reputation.
Conclusion: urban societies create isolated, cynical, mean, aggressive, selfish lemmings.
Read "Guns Germs & Steel" and see if you come to another conclusion. Smile and greet people walking in New York City, and you're likely to be frowned at, assaulted or arrested.
I'm moving to the country, where people appreciate each other!
I forgot to add reasonable expectations. Overweight, ignorant, unaccomplished people are not attractive (to me at least).
People have bought their values wholesale from marketing and popular culture propaganda of worshiping pretty people debase themselves with outlandish behavior. Why not revere genius, ideas, values, self-control and leadership? Ah, the details are not fun enough ... but perhaps when the bill comes ...
Which empire is this again?
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