Just Buy a F****** Couch!

NPR has this great weekly radio show called This American Life that every week covers a different topic and it has become something of an obsession of mine. It just so happens this week the show seems particularly topical since the same debate also seems to have been entered into by Jen Schefft of both the Bachelor and Bachelorette fame.

Basically, the story on This American Life focuses on a confirmed bachelor who after over 18 years of searching for the perfect couch has yet to commit. This couch has become somewhat of a methaphor for the rest of this guy's life with his refusal to settle becoming somewhat of a centerpiece.

It has annoyed his friends, family, and a string of girlfriends. One angry fight between this very discerning gentleman and a girlfriend ended with her telling him to "just buy a F****** couch!" He like many picky people is often urged just to settle but he persists in his quest for the perfect couch. This modern Don Quixote continues to tilt at windmills. He asks himself "Do I hold out for one that really knocks me out or do I just settle for something that I can live with or really doesn't know me out?" It has become the thing that causes him more concern and dismay than anything in his life. It is his quest.

Jen Scheff also is coming out on the side of being picky with her new book, Better Single than Sorry. (No, I haven't read it but if some kind publisher is willing to send me a copy I might.) She basically makes the point that it is better to understand what you can and can't live with than to accept less than what you want. I understand this really well. You head tells you that someone is really nice and stable and will make a good husband. You know that they will try to make you happy but you know in your gut it just isn't your ideal.

Jen Scheff has been somewhat demonized by single men who saw her as unable to be satisfied. She had and left the "Bachelor" after having beaten out a gaggle of other single, beautiful, and determined women. She then went on to have a gaggle of single, handsome, and determined men compete over her only to reject them all. While, I would never allow myself to get into the situations that she found herself in. . .I really do feel for her since among my friends and family as an overly picky perfectionist.

These two very different stories are emblematic of one side of a debate that now rages between me and many of my single friends. Do we settle for something less than perfect or do we just simply get on with it? Do we seek perfection or do we settle for good rather than great? Part of everyone wants both. We want the perfection but we also want the resolution. It is just a matter of if you can live with OK or will you, like many people, think you can settle and ultimately end up unhappy? If you could be certain that OK would be enough then we would go ahead and buy the couch but that little bit of doubt has us still shopping.

The Beauty of Vegas Away From The Strip

Passages and Growing Older

So it is January and again I find myself at a turning point of a new year. I've noticed as I have gotten older that New Years hold both more promises and more threats. The promises are those of a career finally taking off and the hope that maybe this year I will get my act together personally as well as professionally. The threats seem to all be related to family and the frailty of those we love.

As a child, my grandparents were always relatively healthy and active. As I have reached adulthood, I have seen my grandparents pass from active to frail and have seen the passing of two grandmothers in two years. My grandmother last year passed away in a car accident taken like anyone could be taken in an instant and without warning. A few days after Christmas, my other grandmother passed away after a protracted fight with Parkinson's disease.

In recent years, she has been a reminder of both how strong someone can be in the face of illness and the type of endurance it takes to live with such things and how difficult the limitations of our own bodies are at times. As her body failed and became unreliable, she had to depend upon my aunt and her family to care for her. She essentially became trapped by a body she could no longer control even though her mind remained as strong and sharp as ever.

I am beginning to think one of the hallmarks of adulthood is simply having to let go of those that looked over you and beginning to look over those that come after you. My parents have also recently begun to more openly show the signs of age with more frequent health problems and complaints of aches and pains. They are no longer able to keep pace with me and my sister and do all of the things they want to do. Their struggles scare me and remind me to take care of myself now in order to make sure I limit my own frailty later in life.

There is also hope this year mixed with all this melancholy and sadness. I am absolutely in love with my nephew. His chubby soft round limbs and devilish laugh made it impossible for my family to dwell to long on the past. He made us smile through our tears and reminded us that letting go of a loved one is sometimes necessary to make room for those that come after. He at 7 months old already loves words and books. He loves to laugh and play. He takes joy in almost everything and fears nothing.

I also know that in a few short weeks, I will be falling in love all over again with the arrival of another niece or nephew here in Vegas. The promise of watching over them as they grow makes all the struggle and saddness of the last year easier to take.

There is also promise in my own life of a career that is finally underway, an apartment that is starting to look like a sane adult lives there, a boyfriend that cares for me and wants nothing more than to make me happy, and a wide world to explore.